Mum 2B again!

Hello and welcome to Bad Mum 2B! 

This new addition to Bad Mum is for Mum's 2B, women trying to conceive, women having troubles with pregnancy, women having their 10th baby or women just wanting real and honest advice on what you can expect coming up with all the bits they don't tell you when you are pregnant! 

Our first post is from Kylie and how she is going to become a Mother of SEVEN babies!! Makes me want to lay down just thinking about it! 

This post nearly made me cry. It is so honest, real and thank you for sharing this with everyone. 

Mum 2B AGAIN!

June 2017 is to be the year that I become a mum again. A mum of 7. 

Who plans to have that many kids?... not me. After my first two I never dreamed I'd have any more, didn't want to have anymore. 

So I have just turned 30 and I like to think I'm a young 30. I certainly do not feel as old as I am. 

My tribe consists of my 8 year old boy Charlie and girl Robyn who is 6 going on 16, honestly (dreading her actual teenage years). My first two babies were form a previous relationship. Their dad and I have a great friendship and it works for us. 

4 years after Robyn I had another girl, Lila-Rose age 2 with my partner Ben. We then went on to have boy/girl twins 17 months later and have the oh so sweet Brandon and Hallie who are now 10months old. 

We were all squished in a 2 bed flat and desperately needed to move. September just gone, we did, we moved to a 4 bed house. How lovely it is to have all that space for the children..and a garden. 

Not long after moving I felt very faint and very sick for a moment and knew I was pregnant.  I did a test and cried at the result.  I was already mum to 5 and had a Jam packed life of washing and cleaning and keeping everyone.  How could I have more children?

My head told me not to continue with the pregnancy, the twins would be 1 in April and the new baby would be due in June. It's madness, right?

I didn't think too much, I knew what I had to do. I went straight to the gp and asked for a referral for a termination. (Great first appt with a new doc, in a new town. I felt ashamed)

So the referral came through, the appointment was made and I went for the consultation. I was thinking a thousand thoughts, what if it's twins again, what if the baby's healthy, what if, what if????

At the consultation you have to have an ultrasound scan to determine how many weeks pregnant you are so the best type of medical advice can be given regarding the type of termination you should have.

I was nervous, it was a man carrying out the scan which is quite uncommon to be fair. He was great though did what he had to. That being a transnvaginal scan. 

Oh a day for firsts, I'd never had  a man scan me, never had a transvaginal scan either. Lovely.

As soon  as he was looking at the screen my partner Ben and I looked at one another and then said to the man it's twins isn't it?

Yes he said, and you appear to be approx 5 weeks pregnant. Would you like to see he asked?(Bearing in mind the reason I'm there, I found it all really uncomfortable). Yes we said, and there we saw two blobs on the screen, two more babies growing inside me.

We were asked to sit in the waiting room to wait for the paperwork. There we sat, brains working overtime, mums to be all around swooning over their pregnancy joy. Me in tears... what do I do?

Ben was pretty quiet throughout the whole saga since finding out we were expecting again. Then he said, I think we need a bigger car. I laughed and said more like an a-Team van. We passed the time looking at some large vehicles on the Internet and giggling away. How funny to have that many children, us of all people.

We got the paperwork and returned to the clinic desk. I handed it to the lady and said do I need to stay for the chat with the nurse as I'm pretty sure I've changed my mind and will continue with the pregnancy. I didn't, so we left and off we went home.

A couple weeks passed and not much was said about it all, it was too early to tell people and we were still unpacking in our new home and my 30th and Christmas were fast approaching. So much other stuff to think about.

In my own mind I couldn't get my head around how I would cope. I never sat down as it was, always on the go. We were in a good routine with the children but I couldn't see where I would fit in any more children.

I was having awful sickness and my head got the better of me. I told my mum and she said 'oh Kylie, it will be too much'. 'I can't believe it's twins again though'.

Really helpful mother, thanks a bunch. I didn't talk to anyone else I decided alone that I had to be realistic and 7 was too many. I still had my referral papers so I went back to the hospital clinic and had the consultation.  I refused to have another scan as I didn't want to see my two babies again. It was too upsetting. 

I sat with the nurse and made plans to come back the next Monday for the procedure. I was less than 9 weeks at this point so I opted for a medical termination. In a nutshell, its two pills which make the pregnancy detach from the lining of the womb and come away.

My mum knew and my partner knew. Mum said I had to be realistic and do what was necessary. Ben never said anything. He drove me there for the consultation and waited in the car. I had blood tests and had a doctor ask me if I wanted to donate the babies to research or have them buried in the hospital burial ground in the woods. 

I felt like it was really insensitive to ask me at this point. Although it was probably necessary to ask i was shocked. I opted for research. I hoped it could help someone somehow instead of rotting away in the woods.  

I felt relieved that I had made a decision after weeks of feeling unsure. 

Monday came... my mum looked after my children and Ben drove me to the hospital.

The first part was one pill to be taken and to then return on Wednesday for the second pill. The second day requires you to stay in hospital for the day to monitor you and see that the pregnancy comes away.

Still Ben was quiet. 

I was early, the hospital was quiet and in I went.  The room was right next to the ultrasound dept. I wandered along the corridor looking at all the baby pictures on the walls, all the advice posters for mums to be and dithered around the doorway before finally going in.

The nurse was kind, I was the only patient there. Into a small room I was beckoned and asked... ' are you sure this is for you?, I have to ask as part of my job to ensure I'm comfortable that you are making the decision you want'.

Yes I said, I started to unnecessarily explain my situation and I burst into tears.

I text Ben and said 'are you sure I'm doing the right thing?

Why hadn't Ben gave me his opinion, why didn't he tell me not to do it and that we can manage. He never replied... I had text his old phone.

I stopped crying and put my hand out for the pill. I need to do this, it's the right thing for me and my family i told myself.

Then I got a message from Ben from his new phone number. ' are you sure this is what you want?' He asked. 

I asked the nurse if I could use the toilet and gave her back the pill. I rang Ben crying and said a mumble jumble of things. He was calm and said 'do what you need to do'.

I went back to the nurse and she said, you don't seem to be sure so I don't think you should continue. I cried again and said I'm not sure. She said I could come back later or tomorrow if I wanted.  

So I walked out...

Ben was at the car waiting and I just cried and he hugged me and said 'did you do it?'

'No, I couldn't do it' I told him through tears and more mumble jumble.

I knew you wanted these babies, we can manage, we will be fine. What's two more he said.

That's all I needed to hear all along.

There's was never a question about me wanting these babies, of course I wanted them. My head was just trying to be realistic and I had talked myself into believing I couldn't manage another two.

Today I am 18 weeks pregnant and as excited as ever. I'm 100% sure I made the right choice, I know i will be fine and so 2017 is the year that I become Mum of 7. I can't wait.

I told my mum I couldn't go through with it and she said 'oh I am pleased really, can you believe it's twins again?'

Mum, I wish you had said this sooner.

Although I had wanted to hear from my mum and Ben that 7 kids is fine to have, I feel as though I had to go through all that and to make that decision for myself.  I chose to keep my babies because I want them.

I haven't told many people that I know, but I created an instagram page @twinsagainuk, so I could share my joy and meet other like minded mums. Wow, there are so many. 

I really don't know what all the fuss was about... 7 children, piece of cake!