I always imagined one day having a
family, having a part of me and my
husband in a tiny person we had created. So naturally, I was delighted when
that cross appeared on the pregnancy test.
I had a very straightforward and easy
pregnancy so I was able to just carry on with things as normal with little
bother; I was very much in my own little bubble just plodding along. The penny
didn't drop that I was going to have a baby until I actually took my baby home with me from the birthing centre and even
then I didn't look at myself as a mum.
The reason I am writing this is because
I want to share my honest experience of motherhood as a first time mum and
hopefully other parents can relate to my experiences.
It’s Friday 2nd June, and after a 12 hour labour, I've
given birth to a healthy baby boy who we named Bobby.
My labour was everything I hoped it
would be after attending a hypnobirthing course (that's a blog in itself
for another day). I spent the day in the birthing centre and later that night
my husband and I were sent home with our new 'bundle of joy'. To say I was overwhelmed
is an understatement. I can't actually explain exactly how I felt but it was a
mixture of panic, shock and “what
is the returns policy on this tiny person that I'm not sure what I am supposed
to do with”.
There was no instant 'unconditional love'
that many women feel as soon as they set eyes on their baby, which really
bothered me for some time. I thought there must be something wrong with me as
every mum is telling me that having a baby is the best thing in the world and
you'll have this amazing unconditional love. What they failed to mention is
like any new relationship the feelings can take time to grow and blossom which
I now feel really good about as Bobby and I are getting to know each other.
The first two weeks of motherhood was
so hard. It was a huge shock to the system - I mean Beyoncé huge - and the sleep deprivation is unbearable.
No one or nothing can prepare you for this immense shock, plus your
hormones are all over the place and the baby blues are just what you need to
tip you over the edge and cry at any given opportunity.
Your body is recovering and your
vagina has certainly seen better days and yet you are left to care for this new
person who is constantly attached to your boob, to the point you swear
your baby is referring to you as the milk lady and not mummy. I mean what
the actual f@*k is that all about! I breastfed for two weeks and stopped
because it was at times soul destroying. I gave it my best attempt but I
could see myself starting to resent my baby so I decided my relationship
with Bobby and my mental wellbeing was far more important than how he was
fed. Plus I was beginning to feel trapped as I wasn't expressing or even
alternating with formula. I am not ashamed to admit that. As soon as I made the
decision to switch from breast to bottle I felt so much better like a massive
weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Bobby has bottle fed ever since and I
haven't looked back with regret or guilt.
A happy mum equals a happy baby and I
strongly believe there is no such thing as right or wrong with parenting. It’s simply doing what is best for you and your baby.
Do what makes you both happy. Don't just follow routines because that's
what others are doing.
I'm not going to give you a list of
do's and don'ts because let’s
face it I'm no expert and haven't got a clue what I'm doing myself.
I can honestly say my experience
of mum life so far consists of the following though:-
- Eating all meals faster than ever before because yes, it is sods
law that Bobby will wake/cry/scream/poo the minute I sit down with a
hot meal. He must know
- Each night I go to bed with Bobby I swear he is laughing in my
face saying 'no sleep for you lady' and he tends to be right
- Babies have extreme mood swings. One minute they are having the
time of their lives the next their bottom lip is shaking and that lovely
laugh turns into a deadly scream. I've never know anything like it
- I am constantly surviving each day with an endless supply of cake
and biscuits. Although this does nothing to help lose the baby weight it
is important to treat myself for being awesome
- I find myself singing ridiculous songs. I'm personally sticking to
singing Rihanna, Bobby loves it
- Long gone are the days I used to grab my handbag and run out the
door. In fact, I don't even carry a handbag anymore as it has now doubled
up with Bobby's changing bag. Its mind blowing the amount of stuff you
have to pack in it.
- I have become that mum who is obsessed with their baby’s bowels and
it really makes my day when Bobby soils himself
- I find myself struggling to function during the day to being wide
awake at night and laying in bed calculating how many hours
sleep I am likely to get if only I could fall asleep now
- I've joined a few baby classes for Bobby to enjoy, however I find
myself trying so hard to keep a straight face through some of them that
even Bobby is looking at me thinking 'seriously mummy, what
is this?!'
In a nut shell being a new mum is
bloody tough and it makes you human admitting it.
I just do what works for me and that is
having fun with Bobby and trying not to stress over everything which
can be easier said than done at times.
My world has certainly
changed but comments such as 'I bet you cannot remember what life was
like before Bobby' do not sit well with me. Of course I remember them, I was
able to sleep for a straight 8 hours, have uninterrupted hot meals and have
spontaneous days out. Yes, I am now a mum and that is proving to be a hard
job but I'm thoroughly enjoying everything that comes my way.
I have days where I feel I'm absolutely
nailing this and others where I haven't got a clue what to do. Just like
starting any new job it takes time to get to grips with it. I like to think I
am still Kerry and that becoming a mum does not define me. If anything Bobby
has enhanced my life greatly and made me realise how selfish I actually was in
my pre-mum life. My lifestyle is now different and full of
adjustments but I am still me as much as I can be. It is so important to
not lose sight of that and to make some time for yourself when you
can. I'm looking forward to where this crazy journey of motherhood takes me
with my top little dude.
“I’m going to go to
bed for a few days”, every new mums dream.
Kerry x
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