Bad Mum 2B

Bad Mum 2B

Monday, 13 March 2017

Confessions of a first time mama – the truth about pregnancy. Part 1

Now before I get started, I don't think I'm any kind of pregnancy guru at all – I am a first time mother to be and I wanted to log a true account based on my experiences and tell the truth that I haven't read in any blogs/apps/books. I mean, they are full of lovely happy shiny stories rather than the day to day truth I and many others have experienced.

I am abso-ruddy-lutely loving being pregnant, proper loving it, but it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows. Anyone who says it is, is a liar or completely delusional (in my opinion). 

Being pregnant has definitely given me a new outlook on life - not that I've become some earth mother organic loving hippy lady (far from it - I swear too much, am brutally honest to my own detriment and eat FAR too many biscuits).

It has however changed my perspective now I am not the only one I have to look after and probably made me more accepting and appreciative of how ruddy amazing we women are! I’ve also become acutely aware of how lonely some women can feel during pregnancy and maternity leave, so I am now more than ever reaching out to others to connect and share stories and experience and this is just one way of me being able to do that. I definitely feel part of the “mum tribe”.

So in no particular order, here goes a quick rundown of some home truths I have found in my first and second trimesters:


We only found out we were expecting our little rainbow at 8 weeks (I thought I had just got chubby and tried to diet the poor bean away  - I even joined Slimming world!) and as soon as the test confirmed it, my God the sickness arrived and didn't leave for a good 6 weeks. And it wasn't only morning sickness either - they lie about that - I suffered a cross between nausea and sickness all the live long day and all through the night. I couldn't attribute it to any one thing and having to hide my need to barf constantly (as we didn't want to announce until our 12 week scan) was ruddy difficult! 
The only thing I found that helped me through the day was to eat little and often - this was not an easy task for someone as greedy as me. My general approach to food is to eat until I feel properly full so having to "nibble" took some getting used to. 


In between greeting the porcelain throne on a regular basis, I found I had the hunger of a thousand men - this did not help the "eat little and often" approach and I often found I was sick straight after a "feed". This did not stop me from doing the same again and again - if I needed to eat, I ate and then if I needed to be sick, I was sick - simples - this was the only way I could cope! I’m not saying it was fun or nice for me or anyone around me but it got me through.

Eventually the dreaded sickness and ravenous hunger abated a touch and I thought "WOOHOO here is the lovely part, the part where you glow and people say nice things to you about you glowing and growing life" - I think I was a tad too eager to believe the whole "Hollywood" version of pregnancy - and there's me thinking I was a realist... alas I have got distracted.


No one tells you about this, not properly and truthfully anyway. The apps and books mentioned fatigue like you'll be a bit sleepy and I believed them like it meant I would be a bit tired like after a long day/week. 

What they fail to mention is you can feel consistently hungover  - the kind of exhausted paranoid, emotional hangover tiredness you get after an amazingly long and fun night out - and you will need to nap for a good two hours a day, before you need your 8-10 hours a night. You will feel like a shell of a person and you will look worse.  The "fatigue" will make you want to cry regularly (this is a billy bonus top up to the hormones - yay). My advice is just sleep when you can - even though your baby is anywhere between the size of an apple seed and a raspberry, your body is completely and utterly changing to grow new life, so don't underestimate how much this teeny tiny being now owns you. This doesn’t go away either – or hasn’t for me, when I hit 23 weeks I was still napping for a couple of hours when I needed it.

Telling people

Once I was past the 12 weeks, I felt all excited that I could tell people that my belly wasn't a pre Winter hibernation layer but an actual baby! The weird thing is, is that while I told friends and family, we did the announcement on fb with a cute pic,(yes it’s cliché but I was chuffed and we have a large amount of family and friends all over)  it's a weird thing how you tell other people - the people you work with but don't see outside of work. How do you tell them without coming across as smug but also being wary of what they could be going through/have gone through previously? As someone who has suffered a MMC, I am probably overly aware of others feelings here.

The important thing is that if you feel like you are tired in work or you can't do the extra hours you always have done because of your pregnancy symptoms then just be honest. Most people are understanding and will you give you some slack! I know a few pregnant people who don’t want to seem like they are taking the mick but seriously people, you are growing life here and its hard work!


If you do go on public transport, get yourself a TFL baby on board badge - they are magic. Now a tip here - if you can't pick one up in a major station like Paddington/Kings Cross etc. don't bother filling in the form online if you live outside London, they won't send you one - tweet them and they will.

There are plenty of numpties who will ignore the sweaty, tearful, knackered preggo lady even when you are wearing the magic badge and continue to sit down/push past you regardless of the fact you are growing an actual human - but most people will be kind and you will be grateful - take the seat even if you are only just 12 weeks and proudly wearing a badge for the first time - you need to rest whenever you can!


I'll keep this short and sweet -  these will grow massively. They will also hurt A LOT. Invest in some good non underwired bras as soon as you can, you will not regret it. And get measured - you'll be surprised how much your hoo ha's have grown. 

Maternity wear and getting bigger

The most important thing to remember is that every single lady and every single bump is different. You will not grow in the same way or to the same shape as anyone else, no matter if you were a similar build before or no matter how much you had an idea of what you would look like - your body will do what it needs to do for baby!

I started wearing maternity jeans from 9 weeks - my belly would not fit comfortably into my size 10's anymore and I found a lot of my more structured work tops/blouses were becoming tight and uncomfortable around my tata's. 

I'll be really honest here - I really struggled with my changing shape and I am still getting used to it now at 23 weeks. This might sound daft or even vain to some of you but I felt like I had lost or at least was losing my identity. How I dress and the image I portray is important to me as I want how I look to be an external display of who I am. Not that I am a snazzy dresser at all, but my wardrobe has been picked to suit me for all occasions and it has taken me a while to get to this point. Not being able to fit into clothes that matched that was tough.

I will do a separate post on maternity clothes and what I have found works/doesn't work - but the main thing here is - everyone has an opinion on how you should dress, whether you should invest in maternity clothes or not and whether they are worth the spend. My view is, find what works for you. I find non maternity clothes make me look and feel bigger all over, whereas maternity clothing fits my bump, give it a nice shape and are also ruddy comfortable – those in the fashion industry should seriously consider making all jeans with elasticated waists trendy.

Pregnancy Yoga

I started going to this based on the advice of one of my Mum friends who did it when she was expecting and it was better than I could ever imagine! I joke to my other half that I spend two hours a week napping, breathing and eating biscuits. Now while all three of those things do happen, the class I go to has helped me meet mums to be in my area (where I don’t know anyone), helped ease my back pain and given me some good tips in preparation for the birth. I would definitely recommend it even for the two hours of “me time” it gives me a week to zone out of everything and anything that is going on in my life.


This will happen a lot, all the time, no matter how much you drink or when you last went. Get used to it.

Your belly

Up to 16/18 weeks as a first time mama, I experienced bloat. This is what your body does naturally, it will go down, but you will look bigger than your weeks and it will then go down and you will have this weird "do I even look pregnant or fat?" feeling. 

Dear people who are not pregnant, please DO NOT comment on this. We know you mean well, but as a pregnant lady being told you look "big" for your weeks, you look "small" or that your bump is getting "lovely and big" are not compliments - they immediately make you paranoid that you are getting it wrong or you are not doing it "right". Pregnant ladies - unless you are downing a bottle of voddie and smoking 40 a day you are doing the best job you can be - your bump is not a sign of anything and you look beautiful  - FACT . Unless your midwife is concerned you have nothing to worry about.  

Belly Touching

This has happened to me unexpectedly a few times now. I wasn't sure how I felt about it at first particularly when I felt like my "bump" was just wobbly and full of biscuits! I don't mind it so much right now but if you don't like it, tell people! You wouldn't just randomly touch a person's belly and pregnancy shouldn't change that - but be prepared for it - it will happen!


I thought I would save the best until last... the lovely beautiful being you are creating (I regularly remind myself I am growing an actual life!) will completely and utterly mess with your body and hormones. You may have the skin of a pubescent 13 year old or you may have a glow like Beyoncé post photoshop. Your hair may be luscious and healthy or it may be lank and greasy like Filch from Harry Potter. One thing that is true is that there will be times where you will randomly lose your shit over nothing - this is completely irrational and again completely normal. You will also cry a lot, sometimes you will cry because you lost your shit and will feel like a terrible person. This morning I nearly cried because putting socks on was hard... honestly it is a joy!
I think my favourite moment so far was when I cried because the plates were in the dishwasher and I was hungry - I could not possibly see past the fact I could hand wash them to use... yup completely ridiculous and I can laugh about it now, but right then it felt like my world was crumbling around me!

I can now pretty much track when my hormones are playing up and set the warning lights to my other half/family so at least we all know where we stand. I have to remind myself I am not in charge of these outbursts so not to give myself too hard a time!

So there we have it, part 1 of my views on pregnancy so far! I'd love to get your additions/comments and stories and I'm sure I will be posting part 2 very soon

Written by Rhi from @Rhifreshing_


Friday, 3 March 2017

So I am a Mum To Be...

So I am a mum to be...

Well sort of, hopefully soon anyway. I ventured into the land of baby making about two months ago and boy does it seem like longer than that! Now I tried the cool, calm, collected approach for about one whole week, probably less but whose counting... oh wait, that's right, I am because of this whole ovulation thing! This is what I am talking about. I didn't realise the science behind ovulation. I just thought I had to carry on like I had always done so, minus birth control. Your probably reading this laughing out loud, yes I was quite naive in that aspect. I am twenty three which is quite young considering majority of my friends haven't even entered any sort of realm relating to family life or pregnancy. However, my partner has a six year old so I was chucked straight in there. Plus being a preschool teacher definitely helps. 

So let's get back to this whole trying to get pregnant thing. I decided after the first month to create an Instagram account and blog in order to reach out to those around me who were experiencing or have experienced what I am going through right now. It has served as an outlet in a way, as at that time no one knew we were trying; now only a few close friends do. A lovely lady on instagram suggested I try an ovulation kit. Seriously best woman ever, she is my ovulation fairy godmother! It has really helped me understand my body and I have realised that my body ovulates  earlier than my ovulation calendar on my phone suggested. (dumb ass app, even though I know every one ovulates at different times, I still blame the app) I have really been listening to my body these last few weeks and noticing signs that I had not even paid attention to before. Things such as cramping, my mood and of course, the one we all love, vaginal discharge. If you didn't know already, vaginal discharge is a massive indicator of a few different things including ovulation. If your one of those people who doesn't openly talk about that sort of stuff (clearly not me as I'm yapping on about my own vaginal discharge to a bunch of people I don't even know) you better get used to it, it's only going to get worse! 

 What I learned from using the ovulation test is that it is super helpful and enables you to identify the start, and ending of ovulation aka "your fertile window". However, I am going to give you warning now. It is all sunshine and rainbows when you pin point this magical window, (I was fucking stoked and had a mini party with myself in the bathroom waving the bloody urine stick around whilst doing amazing dance moves) however you still need to remember to not treat your partner as if he is a sperm donor. Yes of course you should have sex in the next day or two, but trust me ladies, I tried jumping on him after he knew I'd been in the bathroom and taken that test. He just laughed at me. Although he wants to know when I ovulate and we want to get pregnant, it is something that needs to happen on its own. And trust me it will. 

I've decided to take a deep breath in and out, relax and remember to enjoy the right now. I am still thinking about my future as is my partner, if you see my Instagram I love looking at nursery designs and bubba clothes. (Judge me all you want, I can't help myself) But despite all that, it has made things a lot more natural again rather than just having sex to make a baby, which in reality is just not that sexy. So enjoy your pre-baby time with your partner and have fun with it. You won't have alone time as soon as that baby comes along. That's the best advice I can give thus far into my journey which I am still at the beginning of. I've already face planted once or twice, but I am moving in the right direction with my partner and that's all that really matters in the end. Nature will run its course. I just hope nature is running rather than slow jogging, which is how it feels each month! Am I right? Positive vibes to you... and your next pregnancy test. 

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