Bad Mum 2B

Bad Mum 2B

Tuesday, 20 March 2018

Does my bump look big in this?

I am so excited. My lovely beautiful best friend is nearly 34 weeks pregnant with her first baby and I’m hosting her baby shower this weekend (Will blog on that later so as not to ruin the surprise!).

She lives on the other side of the country to me (as do most of my friends but that’s another story for another time), so we keep in touch via text and I make sure (demand) she sends me regular pics of her beautiful growing bump – she looks AMAZING. But I think that about most pregnant women – you have this gorgeous aura about you, even when you’re feeling sick and tired and urgh – believe me, you look lush even if you don’t feel it.

I didn’t feel particularly lush when I was pregnant. I look back now and think I too had that aura but I didn't feel it at the time! I LOVED being pregnant and I would do it all again tomorrow if I could – rubbing my belly like Santa was a favourite of mine! I thought most days I made myself look pretty average (average was a success), with maternity clothes and make up and whilst I loved my belly, I was very conscious of it’s size and shape and what didn’t help was the constant comments from people on it.

Now people, let me make this really clear if you didn’t know. Pregnant women are emotional bombs waiting to either cry or shout at any given moment.FACT. 

They are VERY aware of everything they do when pregnant and are constantly worrying about whether they are eating the right things, moving enough, sleeping the right way, doing the right things for their baby, have they gained enough weight? Not enough weight? Is their bump okay? Is their baby moving enough? Is baby in the right position? Will they be able to look after this baby? How will labour be? Can they breast feed? And the list goes on and on and on – I think this is the beginning of the mum guilt if I'm honest! 

What pregnant women don’t need is your opinion or commentary on how they are looking or their size. I don’t care if it’s well meaning, factual, observant, you think it’s helpful or your Mother’s auntie’s sister’s first cousin, twice removed, once had a bump like this or was carrying just like this pregnant woman – your opinion is not valid or necessary – EVER.

My lovely friend had someone jokingly call her “fatty” across the office floor the other week – I swear I nearly drove to London to come and have words with the perpetrator! It may have been said jokingly – she is not fat in anyway, she is clearly pregnant, but seriously, have a word with yourselves people!

This kind of behaviour is not acceptable, it’s not funny and the amount of women it happens to is crazy! I guarantee every single women who has been pregnant has had some form of comment or opinion on her bump/size and I would also bet my mortgage on the fact it didn’t make them feel good about themselves. All you are doing is making this woman worried about whether she is too big and whether that could be harming her baby. She absolutely, definitely won’t walk away and forget it or take it in jest.

I am a pretty headstrong sharp tongued lady, so when people commented on my bump I had a myriad of responses and comebacks ready  - my favourite was when a lady who worked in the office coffee shop (who I barely knew) said to me “oooh youre getting big” – I replied with “oooh you too!” and smiled and walked away. Funnily enough she didn’t comment again! Mean? Maybe. But it made me giggle for a good 10 minutes and stopped the ongoing unnecessary commentary when word got around!

Not all women are as headstrong as me, so please people, if you see a pregnant woman and you absolutely feel the need to comment on her bump here are a couple of things you can say:

“Wow you look great”
“Oh you look amazing”
“You are carrying so well”
“How are you?”
“You make pregnant look so good”
“You are so beautiful”
“What an amazing thing you are doing”
“How awesome is it to be growing life?”
"How are you feeling?"
"What a beautiful bump you have"

Can you see the theme? None of these relate to size or shape, because ultimately it is unnecessary. 

How a baby grows and how mum’s belly grows is right for them in that moment and that Mama will be doing her utmost to care for her baby from the offset. 

So if you see a pregnant woman, in the words of Thumper “if you don’t have nothing nice to say, don’t say nothing at all”.


You can find me on insta @rhifreshing_ 

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